My eating disorder
by TheFanFicAddict
Summary: JDA, when his friends comments are harsher than appropriate they send JD into a spiral of depression and anorexia that could be the end of him.
1. Chapter 1

Okay I know I haven't updated in a while and all my other stories are incomplete... they're not going to be like that for ever but they are on hold indefinitely. Anyway please leave reviews and suggestions! P.S ITS SNOWING!

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J.D clutched at his knees protectively as he lay curled in a small ball. He was in his apartment... well it wasn't even his – it was Turk and Carla's. He was just the friend that wouldn't go, no that couldn't go, him – John Dorian the man who endlessly got on everyone's nerves and couldn't even look after himself.

In the end people didn't seem to mind telling him what was wrong with him – he was girly, weak, annoying, a daydreamer, a no good doctor, a pain to be around. He had heard it all before but what hurt the most was 'fat', maybe it was because he has a girlish figure but whenever he put on any weight it seemed to bulge out, apparent to anyone and everyone. He had managed to lose so much weight before but it seemed the hectic life of working at a hospital left little time for proper healthy meals.

Today had been the most humiliating moment of his life because someone pointed it out. Not just someone but Elliot... then everyone else gave their little jibe.

Flashback

He was hungry after not having time for breakfast so when in the cafeteria he quickly found a selection of food. Unfortunately they were no burgers and the cafeteria was almost out of chicken pasta. So of course he was left with the less than desirable leftovers, the scrapings of the bottoms of the dishes that always seemed burnt, contained little meat and just tasted like any food made in such large quantities – not pleasant.

He quickly perked up though at the thought of desert – chocolate cake, maybe he could share it with his chocolate bear! Anyway after buying his food he sat down across from Carla and his chocolate bear.

'CB I missed you, I have hardly seen you 'JD exclaimed.

' I know Vanilla-bear...' Of course before his CB could continue his sentence Carla cut in.

'Hardly seen him? For God's sake Bambi, you live with us – you always see each other!' Carla laughed teasingly but something about the way she held herself while speaking showed that it wasn't just a joke in her eyes.

To be truthful he hardly had seen Turk, what with work and Carla. Whenever he arranged something with Turk they would always be interrupted by Carla feeling they were spending all their time together.

Luckily before anything could bubble up out of his mouth that was sure to start an argument Elliot arrived. She quickly slid into the seat next to JD quickly greeting everyone and grabbing the chocolate cake of JD's plate.

'I am starved, all I have had to eat today is an apple, you don't mind do you J.D?' Elliot asked but before JD could reply, with 'no I don't mind' (he could always buy more cake but to not give Elliot cake would probably lead to her having a paranoid break down) he was interrupted.

'After all it's not like you couldn't stand to lose a few pounds!' her voice was light as she dived into the cake but the words rung clear in his head.

Of course at this moment Dr Cox sprung up (it seemed he could sense any opportunity to belittle him)

'Whats this Jenny just because you're a little girl doesn't mean gaining weight will make you go up a cup size, after all just because the neighbourhood boys told you were well developed doesn't mean anything, those cups aren't getting any fuller Jenny and your no longer ten. I mean puhlease we all know your stomachs filled with those tubs of ice cream you gorged on after your boyfriend cheated on you but for god's sake, we have enough problems with obesity – you're a doctor... well forget that you should still know that too much food makes that trembling pale body of your gain a few too many pounds' at this point Dr. Cox left in a way akin to Severus Snape, he could imagine Perry's robe billowing behind him...

'He is right you know you should try to eat a bit healthier, fruit and vegetables aren't poison' Carla agreed... wait Carla agreed. She was still talking but he couldn't hear, his blood was pounding, everyone seemed to be staring accusingly at him.

He turned to his chocolate bear his one friend in this situation but no, his chocolate bear suggested the gym, the gym! J.D knew he was unathletic but he didn't realise how bad his weight problem was getting...

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Oh and i am sorry for any mistakes in spelling, tense etc!

Review if you want me to continue :D


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you: Jasmin, Cherry-Starburst, Coseepo and KuinaUchiha for reviewing. I am glad you like my story so far, i am afraid i am not very good with checking my work but hope this is okay. ^_^

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J.D didn't get back from the hospital till fairly late in the evening and of course when he returned home Turk had taken Carla out on a date, they seemed to be spending more and more time away from him. He was just an annoyance.

J.D contemplated what food to have but when he looked, there was not much food in to begin within and he didn't really have the time to cook a proper healthy meal. He almost gave in right there and then but he knew such a weakness would continue throughout his attempts to change his weight. Instead he decided against food altogether. To be truthful the thought of filling his body with all those calories made him feel the small amount of food he had early consumed shift in his stomach, a constant reminder of why he needed to do this.

He decided to just go to bed – he was tired after a long day that included overtime because Dr. Cox loaded him with a pile of patients just when he was almost done. When getting changed he made the mistake of looking in the mirror and he felt sick – how could he have not noticed before? He wasn't just a bit overweight, he was massive, rolls of fat seemed to cover every inch of him and his stomach stuck out further than he would like to admit.

Despite how tired he was, J.D knew that simply cutting down the calories wouldn't be effective so he quickly changed into some casual clothing then proceeded to leave the apartment and ran till he almost collapsed. With every footfall the thought ran through his head 'it'll be worth it in the end' and it would, anything would be worth decreasing his size.

Part of him wanted to push himself further, to find just how much exercise he could get done but the night was dark enough and he did not want to risk trouble, he had been a doctor long enough to know what happened to people out alone at this time of night.

On his return to his apartment he was slightly disappointed to find Carla and Turk still out; it was 1am so he assumed they must have had the evening shift tomorrow. Unfortunately he wasn't that lucky – he needed to be up in 5hours. He supposed it was better this way; he would be too busy to eat. With a smile in his face at this thought J.D collapsed into bed falling asleep almost straight away.

He was woken up at 3:47 by the sound of Carla and Turk returning.

'Shhh, we don't want to interrupt Bambi's beauty sleep' It was Carla but despite her words they were making quite a ruckus. Moans filtered through the walls and he heard the sound of the two of them moving around in a hurry.

He really didn't need to hear this, so quickly and quietly he changed back into his clothes from last night, grabbing his scrubs on his way out. It was almost 4am so rather than crashing at Elliot's he decided to once again go for a jog, this way he could go straight to the hospital, get a shower there and then work.

It turned out running till he literally could not breathe then running some more wasn't such a good idea and so by the time he was freshened up and in scrubs he was actually late. Only by 3 minutes but with Dr Cox the time didn't matter – he was late end of story, except it wasn't really because Dr. Cox was currently in the middle of one of his long winded rants.

'...but despite that your bf, I mean your boyfriend because we all know that under that pudgy exterior is just a girl who got dumped one too many times and is now late because she just had to have the strawberry waffles, well anyway your bf just went and dumped you so now your dragging yourself into work and are to depressed to even attempt the stairs, heaven forbid you actually tried to use those nonexistent muscles. 'by this point Perry was almost out of breath and looked like he could continue all day.

'Ouch and if you must know they were chocolate waffles not strawberry' J.D replied trying to keep to his usually non-effected self. He attempted to fall into one of his so pleasant day dreams but it quickly became a nightmare of what he would be like if he ate waffles and Dr. Cox's rant came true... apart from the girl part.

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Oh and if you have any suggestions make sure to tell me. Any additional problems that you think J.D is having? When i write this i feel like he has slightly suicidal thoughts but would him self-harming be to much? Please review anyway otherwise i am holding the story as ransom :P (only joking Cherry-Starburst *shifts eyes* or am i?)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N I am so sorry this took so long for me to upload (i didn't mean to hold it hostage, i PROMISE!) i just have been really busy with holidays, module exams, coursework etc. Anyway i kind of rushed this so there may be mistakes... oh and if it seems a bit weird when you read this its because i wrote portions of it in class without my actually story to look at :) Hope you enjoy and suggestions are always welcome.

Thank you for reviewing everyone ^^

Oh and X Amount: I know it seems like he rushed into the dieting thing but i was trying to imply he had a eating disorder before so this is more of a lapse back... my implication should probably be improved!

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After the horror of being 3 whole minutes late J.D tried to get full submerged into his job. Of course this meant dealing with patients and a new thought crossed his mind – what did the patients thing of him? He always hoped in some way he was like a doctor of t.v, not the deviously handsome one but the cute in his own way doctor who patients proudly stated 'that's him, that's my doctor' . Instead it seemed to be the other way round... sometimes patients asked for a different doctor without even telling him why... The patients who liked him best were often older woman who would pinch...his chubby cheeks...

These thought just wouldn't leave his mind so by lunchtime he knew he had to check. It had only been a day but he needed to know he hadn't put on more.

J.D stared down at the weighing scale. It was too much, it was too high – it was always too high. Despite his attempts at dieting he barely seemed to have lost any weight, his frame if possible seemed even larger. He felt envy at his friends who he had often seen indulge in the pleasures of food but remained unburdened by added pounds.

It was silly to think that his friends would leave him if he continued to balloon outwards but the thought wouldn't leave his mind. Is this why Elliot had dumped him? She had jokingly pointed out his size but was their more to it than that was she secretly disgusted? Sickened by the thought of touching his flabby pale body?

It was thoughts like this that gave him the motivation to work past the grumbles in his stomach. It terrified him that he was that greedy that his body demanded so much food so regularly.

He knew the only thing to do was to focus on the idea of losing weight – getting thin enough that he didn't embarrass his friends with his size was certainly worth a grumbling stomach. He had dieted before, it had worked in fact but it turned out that when you spend your day caring for people, watching patients die and working shifts at all hours of the day your healthy lifestyle lapsed. When he did have free time not at the hospital it tended to be spent with his friends…. And of course they would often eat together. When he wasn't with them he ate even more trying to make up for his loneliness. The worst part was the alcohol, those small, delicious drinks full of calories that would be hard to give up as they were his way of dealing with a bad day at work.

It was odd that no one had commented on his weight before, after all they were doctors and with the rising rates of obesity eating healthy was vital. He himself has dealt with overly thin people completely unaware of their stick thin appearance but what was equally more scary and closer to home were the people drastically overweight, whose muscles ached with simple tasks and whose hearts were surely filled with fat ready to give up at any point.. This diet wasn't just about his outward appearance but about his physical health. He wanted for once to be able to run to save a patient without becoming out of breathe, he wanted to play basketball and not loose but be a sweaty exhausted heap within 10 minutes, he wanted… he wanted people to like him. He wished would congratulate his initiative that Carla would smile encouragingly, that Elliot would glance at him checking him out like she once did.


End file.
